Jessica Alba is the new feature of the 2009 Campari calendar, in what appears to be a man and alcohol orgy. Did my invitation get lost in the mail? I would take seconds, or thirds, or any’s…lots of different looks here, and yes, Jessica seems to be reshaping just fine after the baby. Ah, the thought of Jessica pounding a bunch of drinks in my hot tub wearing a bikini while the Lakers game is on. I mean, really, how much better can it get than that?

More Jessica Alba swimsuit pictures.

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Kate Moss is apparently one rough broad. Her boyfriend, Jamie Hince, was recently seen with a black eye. According to the original story from Kate, a box of decorations fell on him. Wow, that happens all the time, you gotta look up carefully before pulling those elves down. Anyways, the New York Post has the real dirt.

KATE Moss has finally come clean about who gave her the scratches on her cheek she recently sported: boyfriend and the Kills guitarist Jamie Hince. Moss had previously claimed a box of Christmas decorations fell on her head, but Brit ain’s Daily Mail reports she was overheard at a London party for designer Stella McCartney admitting that she was actually involved in a “scuffle” with Hince over their holiday plans. Hince, for his part, was left with a black eye, which Moss says was the result of her “chunky ring.” The on- again/ off-again pair are still reportedly on.

And there you go, that makes more sense. To be honest, this kind of turns me on. The thought of Kate Moss beating the heck out of me just doesn’t sway me from wanting to do it with her. But Imma freak….

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Paris Hilton and her boobs went out to Bardot in LA last night. And although it appears that Paris’ boobs are ready to move on from Benji Madden, Paris says that she isn’t.

“I don’t have dating on my mind at all. Just the thought of dating someone else grosses me out.
“No way.”

Soooo….I shouldn’t send you my pictures? All the same, the boobs look spectacular Paris. Keep up the good work, or just kep the bra pushed up, whatever it is you do.

More Paris Hilton boobs pictures.

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K-Fed is trying to be nice, but its a veiled nice. I mean, if she called me a bad parent, I’d be livid….considering her reputation… Nevertheless, here is some of the excerts.

“It’s hard enough to be in a marriage, and then have a kid, then kids, it changes everything. For me, I’d become more concerned with my children. Not that I ignored Britney, but my kids are always most important … I mean, we were having complications. I didn’t give her an ultimatum, but I was trying to work stuff out with her, and she didn’t even talk to me or anything and went behind my back and filed [for divorce]. [I was] completely blindsided.”

Welcome to being a dude, Kevin. Britney is just doing what most women do. Not too worry, once she turns 30 her life will be miserable and she will be begging you to come back….but you will have a 22 year old and will not care.

“My first question to [my lawyer] was, ‘Am I ever going to be able to see my children?’ I told him that I would spend every last dime that I had to make sure that my children are okay. That’s all that mattered. I didn’t know how much power Britney had. That really scared me.”

Britney arranged a plan to take over the Conoco stations in West LA as a way to scare you. Not sure what this has to do with what you said Kevin, but I always have to find a way to drop the Conoco line in a Britney post.

“That whole night (Britney locking herself in the room with Jayden) is a blur. You want to talk about one of my lowest points of depression, that was probably one of them. I was very, very worried for her ’cause I care about her. That’s the mother of my children. Just because I’m not in love with her doesn’t mean that I don’t love her.”

Boy, that night sure was a disaster. We love her also Kevin, just not for the same goodwill reasons that you do. I have a blog, it needs to survive. Britney is a philanthropic piece for my puzzle of success. I am sure you understand.

Good Luck Kevin.

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Its nice to be a young child that gets chosen to have Angelina Jolie as their mommy. It means shopping, lots of shopping, and later in life, it will mean women, lots of women. Trust me, one day when Maddox is visiting those college bars at LSU, having Angelina as your mom will be the coolest name-drop ever. It will also be a panty dropper. If Maddox is smart, he will just stay down on the Bayou and avoid LA at all cost. These are pictures of the loving mother-son duo shopping in New Orleans this weekend. I wonder if Maddox will ever get to see his gandpa?

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